Have you ever experienced conflict with a sibling over Mom or Dad’s care? Does it sometimes seem like your brother or sister didn’t even grow up in the same home? Are you the long distance daughter, the local 24 hour caregiver, the estranged son, or any of dozens of roles an adult child may play in the family? If so, I recommend you read They’re Your Parents Too! How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents’ Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy by Francine Russo. Using real life situations, Russo illustrates the challenges and opportunities for siblings face with the care of their aging parent(s).
Dealing with their parent’s declining health often puts siblings in uncharted territory as they begin the transition to a new stage in life. Haven’t spoken to your siblings beyond holiday greetings in 25 years? See your siblings frequently and still play “Mom liked you best”? What role will each of you play now in caring (or not caring) for your parents?
For each question Russo asks, she provides practical guidance and a compassionate voice to helping siblings understand each other and the choices they will need to make. One of the most important themes running through They’re Your Parents Too! is the impact of seeing your siblings as the adults they are now, as well as seeing their perspective on the family of childhood. Even if your family were the Waltons, each sibling deals with aging issues and anticipated loss differently!
Russo deftly handles the issues of caregiving, navigating the minefields of sibling and parental relationships, end-of-life preparations, and grieving the loss from a variety of sibling perspectives. Whether your siblings are close, distant, polite, estranged or some combination, you will see your relationships mirrored in the examples shared. Russo understands that sometimes professional facilitation is needed to help adult siblings and/or their parents work through issues (both old and current) and gives suggestions for resources including the help of a therapist or geriatric care manager.
They’re Your Parents Too! is easy reading, practical and well worth your time. If you and your siblings are currently caring for a parent or are preparing to, check your public library or bookstore for this valuable resource.
